16 March 2015

24 things that will happen at your school reunion

1. The invite arrives and you play it ice cool. You’ve probably got plans for that weekend in five months' time. You bet you’ll be on holiday or, like, working really hard. You’ll defs be washing your hair.

2. You let the idea tumble around for a bit. Maybs you'll decide next week. 

3. Approximately 12 minutes later you’re emailing your besties from school like: "OMG is everybody up for this can you make it shall we all go?"

4. Turns out everybody is up for it.

5.  Suddenly you’ve commandeered a parent’s house ‘back home’ and you’re planning a prosecco pre-party because duh, no one wants to arrive at the reunion sober.

6. You will send 673 emails discussing what to wear. And you may or may not panic when you and your circle of BFFs all decide on outfits in the same hue.

7. You’ll start questioning your life choices. Eg: "Should I have stopped spending all my cash in Toppy and have a pension like a proper adult?"

8. You will bump into an ex slash former crush. And it doesn’t matter if your current relationship is stronger than Kimye’s or if you’re sassy, single and bonking David Gandy, this can only ever mean one thing. You’re going to have to look HOT hot.

9. Attempting to look hot hot will take up a lot of time. You’ll spend a ton of money in Mac and time your next hairdressing appointment so it deliberately coincidentally happens on the same day as the reunion.

10. No carbs. 

11. Due to the lack of potatoes you’ll find yourself tipse on two champagnes in Soho House or similar the night before the party. You were meant to be at home painting your nails / doing yoga.

12. Your mini hangover will magically disappear when you arrive back in the motherland, the girls turn up and All The Prosecco.

13. You’ll feel hella nervous on the way there. Like the butterflies you got when you went to a 14th birthday party, wore a crop top and ruhlly ruhlly hoped you’d land the hot boy in spin the bottle. 

14. Teachers who once seemed 10ft tall and kinda scary will encourage you to call them by their first name. This will just feel wrong.

15. Everyone will be freshers' week friendly. 

16. Some girls will feel like your mum. You'll see the contents of her womb and chat about the pros and cons of attachment parenting even though you don't have a bébé and wtf.

17. Some girls will feel like your baby sister. She’ll be crazy drunk before the starters are even out. You’ll want to give her a cuddle but you also won’t want vom on your dress, which will feel like a dilemma.

18. A boy you never noticed back in the day will have matured into a stone cold fox. This will feel like a missed opportunity.

19. At least one person will be wearing every single designer garm he or she has ever owned.

20. You’ll spend the night catching up on gossip with lovely old friends and promise to be better at staying in touch from now on.

21. A mass exodus ‘into town’ will happen at precisely 10:30pm. You’ll totter along the streets you used to frequent erry damn week, linking arms with an old-turned-new bezzer and touching up your lipstick on the way.

22. The only difference between now and the Noughties is that these days you prefer lipstick to lipgloss.

23. Town will feel very small and very lovely in equal measures. Oh town.

24. You’ll end the night with the same group of mates you arrived with and congratulate yourself for your brilliant taste in besties.


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